Emotional Regulation: The Skill We Were Never Taught
In a world that moves fast, reacts fast, and overwhelms fast…
emotional regulation is no longer optional.
It’s essential.
But here’s the truth:
Most of us were never taught how to regulate our emotions.
We were taught to suppress them.
Ignore them.
Push through them.
Or explode when they got too big.
At Stillwater, we believe emotional regulation is not about controlling emotions.
It’s about understanding them.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the ability to:
• Notice what you’re feeling
• Pause before reacting
• Respond instead of explode
• Recover more quickly from stress
It does not mean:
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Never getting angry
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Never feeling anxious
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Always staying calm
It means your emotions don’t control your behavior.
That’s power.
Why Emotional Regulation Matters for Children & Teens
When a child cannot regulate, it often looks like:
• Meltdowns
• Shutdowns
• Defiance
• Anxiety
• Impulsivity
• “Attitude”
But underneath those behaviors is usually:
A nervous system in survival mode.
And survival mode brains cannot access logic, empathy, or problem-solving.
This is why punishment alone rarely works.
Regulation must come first.
Connection before correction.
The Nervous System Is the Foundation
Emotional regulation is biological before it is behavioral.
When the nervous system feels safe:
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The brain can think clearly.
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The body relaxes.
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Emotional intensity lowers naturally.
When the nervous system feels threatened:
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Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn take over.
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Logic disappears.
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Reactions escalate.
At Stillwater, we teach youth how to:
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Recognize body signals
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Use breathing techniques
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Ground through movement
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Identify emotional triggers
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Build internal awareness
These are lifelong tools — not temporary fixes.
The Stillwater Approach: A Return to Calm
We don’t shame emotions.
We don’t suppress emotions.
We don’t over-pathologize emotions.
We teach regulation through:
Guided meditations
Interactive games
Reflection exercises
Confidence-building affirmations
Safe group discussions
Because when children learn how to regulate…
They don’t just behave better.
They feel better.
And when they feel better, everything improves:
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Academic performance
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Peer relationships
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Self-esteem
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Decision-making
A Simple Regulation Practice to Try Today
Try this 60-second reset:
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Place one hand on your chest.
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Take a slow breath in for 4.
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Hold for 4.
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Exhale for 6.
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Repeat 5 times.
Notice what shifts.
Small resets create big change over time.
Final Thought
Emotional regulation is not about perfection.
It’s about returning to calm — again and again.
That is the heart of Stillwater.
And that is the work.
With steadiness,
Barbara Green
Founder, Stillwater Wellness LLC
A Return to Calm